Image Copyright: Christi Doran Oakwell
Navigating the rollercoaster of "In the beginning"
It’s been lovely reading everyone’s blogs on SA2Eire. And it’s great to know we are not alone in finding the whole experience really challenging!
It has certainly not been smooth sailing in our household. Packing up and saying goodbye to all we knew and loved was so hard. I was very angry that COVID had forced us into this position where we had to sell our home and everything else and move away in the hope my husband would have easier access to travel for his work.
But since we had to make a move, I could think of no better place than Ireland; we had visited twice before and fell in love with it.
The idea of moving and starting fresh was exciting, the reality doesn’t quite measure up! It takes a lot of hard work, grit and determination to make things work. The process can be incredibly frustrating, especially when Level 5 restrictions limit the things you can actually get done!
After a hair-raising flight thanks to our 2year old, we completed our quarantine in a very picturesque setting and tried to gather ourselves towards ourselves. The view and scenery definitely helped to settle our shattered nerves! We have sorted out most things now and are starting to settle in a bit more. We have been in Ireland for close on 3 months.
Recently, my husband and I got to a point where we were completely empty. Between trying to fulfil the requirements for the EU Treaty application while managing two small children, plus dealing with trauma of all the goodbyes we had to say when leaving South Africa, and feeling pretty isolated here, it took a toll – mentally, physically and emotionally.
Never mind the spanner in the works COVID has continued to throw at us – our daughter had just started school and then had to adapt to school work at home with a less than patient mom-teacher! My husband can’t get a Public Service Card, which means we can’t do a number of things. It feels sometimes like there is a roadblock every time we try and get anything done. Frustrations are running high.
Our kids weren’t sleeping, we weren’t sleeping well either (am pleased to report this has settled down a bit now). Emotions were all over the show, with anger and tears an everyday event. The kids had EPIC meltdowns, and so did we…..At one point I felt like I didn’t recognise myself or my family members anymore, we were all so freaked out and it showed in our behaviour. Something had to change
I realised we were all disconnected. From ourselves, each other, our loved ones back home, the stuff that makes us happy and feel secure. And so, to try and get through each day without the meltdowns, moods and melodramatics, we had to find connection.
After discussing an action plan with my hubby, we developed a survival guide to help keep ourselves sane and strong in these trying times. I thought I would share some of the things we included in our survival guide as maybe someone else could take something useful from it and adapt it to their own life circumstances. These small steps have really helped us to fill our cups to be better able to tackle the challenges that face us daily:
Connection to self:
We each take 1hr of me time a day. I journal or do yoga (even though sometimes the kids act like I am a human jungle gym) and hubby goes for a jog/walk.
Connection to each other:
We try and do one family activity a day. We bought the game Twister, we watch movies with popcorn, we go for a walk or exploring somewhere when the weather allows….
We have also finally gotten into a routine that allows hubby and I to spend some quality time together in the evenings when the kids are asleep. Some nights we just crash in front of TV, but we try to have at least one night a week where we sit and chat and discuss all manner of things. We do have daily check ins as to how each other is feeling – I feel it’s so important to check in with yourself and communicate with your partner to get the back up and support you need.
Connection to others:
We have scheduled regular drinks WhatsApp video calls with friends, and have regular family call time with the grandparents. They are pretty much standing weekly arrangements.
Other things we committed to doing:
We try and get out of the house as a family at least once a day. Sometimes it’s just to the parking lot in front of our house where the kids can ride their bikes or scoot. Sometimes we just go for a drive (within our 5km limit) to take in the beautiful scenery and the area in which we live.
We have a daily routine to make sure all our basic needs are met – so we don’t get hangry or tired. Because no one can cope with anything if they are hangry or tired! This also helps our kids to know what is coming next and that predictability helps them feel more secure. We are considering making a chart for them so they can mark off what has been done and see what comes next.
This is an incredibly difficult transition to navigate, especially in the times of Covid, so we try and look out for each other as best we can. Some days are easier than others. I am sure there are still some super hard days that lie ahead. But now that we have an action plan and are more connected to these important areas of our life, I feel like we are more in tune with each other and help each other more, especially on days when one is struggling.
I have to say, that even with all the challenges, we are both very happy with our decision to move to Ireland and look forward to carving out a life for ourselves in this beautiful country.
I would love to hear what things others have put in place to help them survive the turmoil of moving countries!
Important links:
#MapMyMove- Our coaching Services - Confused or lost and need some direction, book a session with us to help untangle the confusion and work out your route of immigration
Schooling in Ireland: ECCE program and Childcare in Ireland
How much does it cost for children to grow up in Ireland
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